Reflections…

Lately, I have thinking about how far I’ve come. But also how far I have to go.

I’ve been full time with my work the last 2.5 years, and public with it about 7 or so I think. I have been working so very hard.

To be very honest, I don’t think I’ve found my audience yet. Or at least not the rest of them. lol (Very Grateful For You All!)

I am very active on social media- I post regularly, create videos, reels and posts that cover behind the scenes, my process, methods and materials, I show up authentically, and honestly and I study, look for ideas, watch what other successful artists are doing, and try to recreate my own versions and I TRY really really hard.

I am always creating and I list new artwork on the website weekly.

I teach classes at The Art Room in Green Cove Springs and private home parties occasionally, my work is showing in The Art Collective Gallery in Saint Augustine, and in a few Jacksonville Florida Restaurants and Women Owned Businesses.

And many of my clients are repeat collectors, or schedule commissioned artwork from me pretty regularly.

Sounds like I am doing great, right? ( I think I can, I think I can)

Truth? Not a lot is moving the past few months. Yikes!

The other day when I was driving home, I was thinking about how my growth, sales and audience are comparatively low, considering my following count on IG. I was feeling really down and discouraged because of views, engagement and likes. I know how silly and sad of me. lol BUT ALSO HUMAN!! And real. SO take me as I am…. ;) Anyways, I’ve also been a bit down because sales are inconsistent. Lots of art does get sold, and lots of art does connect with people, but not enough that I can (yet) soundly rely upon on being able to buy groceries, pay bills and stay on top of art supplies and mortgage. Most months, I’m behind on almost everything. In fact, if it weren’t for my mama, I might not even be here right now. Her help and support have gotten me through some very hard times, and I know not all artists have that kind of unconditional love and help, and I know that I’m so lucky.

I decided when I took my work full time a few years ago, that I was willing to get hungry. I’m not interested in working for someone else, and I truly feel any deviation from that would create conflict and stop my progress, reduce my time, slow my growth. Its hard enough to balance it all as is. And I think a lot of artists struggle, and when they do, they have to make a decision to stay the course, or pick up part time work or restart an old career. It sucks. And I wish for all of us more home and community support, resources, appreciation and a wealth of clients that love us, collect from us and share us, and keep us so busy we don’t start listening to shitty intrusive thoughts and become our own bully.

Back to my reflections…..

Driving home that day, I felt so sad and low. And then I started thinking about my why.

What makes me NEED to create, what I’m trying to share, if the artwork I create tells a story, or if it can be felt… do my clients FEEL what I’m trying to express?

Then I started thinking about my own healing. Heartbreak and trauma, a separation of self, body, mind, spirit. And how my artwork has helped me recover. Given me a voice. Reconnect to self and personal power. Given me a way to alchemize my emotions and turn them into the most beautiful, textured, energetic, joyful works of art with the most rebellious, whimsical, feminine, provocative, sassy, fierce and loving messages, subjects and titles.

Titles like…. Good Things Are Coming, Wildly Capable, Not for the Weak, Be of Good Heart, Relentless, Rebellion Against All that Chains You….. Self Soothe and Selfish Phase…. as those titles began to manifest in my mind, I read them like runes, and realized yet again, those words matter so much. Not just to me, but to all the people that connect to my work and to me. I thought about my clients and their sweet reviews, messages and comments. Their faith in me.

My work DOES matter. It does connect. And I’ve got to keep going, believing, healing and trusting.

More is on the way!

You are the art.

I am the art.

Everything is art!

The back story, its all part of the art. And often the best parts of our success story.

The way we think, and dress, how we solve problems, or brush our hair, how we pour our tea or tears, how we speak, laugh and talk, the way we dance and the way we walk, how we adapt or evolve. How we move in this world, and how we love. How we process or discover, how we learn and uncover.. our wins and losses…our reactions and responses, our empathy and compassions, all the while becoming more and more ourselves.

You are allowed to be both a masterpiece, and a work in progress at the same time. :)

Enough rambling!

Good night!

xoxoxoxox